Is the Husband Only Allowed if No One else is Available?

In the last two posts, we discussed the first two assertions that were gleaned from the Yoatzot website regarding restrictions that apply to a couple when a woman is in labor.  I had originally listed 8 rules that I got from the website as follows:

1. That a woman in childbirth has a status of a Niddah 
2. Since she has a status of Niddah, physical contact between the husband and wife is prohibited
3. The husband may not see his wife undressed because she has the status of a Niddah
4. The husband may not see his wife's vagina even if she weren't a Niddah
5. Many rabbis prohibit him from being there in the first place, but some "permit' it (apparently according to this website no Rabbi would actually encourage it)
6. No use of a mirror is allowed which could God-forbid, allow the husband to see the actual birth of the baby
7. Using a screen to cover her so that the lower half of her body is not visible is advised, and that attempts should be made to cover her body as much as possible
8. The husband should not touch her unless there is no one else to help

The first assertion we discussed in this post here, and I argued that it is not necessarily the case that a woman in labor has the status of a Niddah.  The second assertion, I discussed in this post here, and I argued that physical contact that is non-sexual touch is not prohibited, even if she were considered a Niddah during labor.

The eighth item on the list states that a husband should not touch her unless there is no one else to help.  The origin of this suggestion is the following Rama, which we quoted in the last post as well:

There are those (Hagahot Sha'arei Dura, and hagahot Mordechai) who hold that if there are no other (women) available to help her that he may do whatever she requires for her care, and such is the custom.  and according to what I wrote that the custom is to allow such touch, if (he is a physician) and she needs him to examine her pulse and there are no other doctors available and she needs his help and she is dangerously ill he certainly is allowed to do so (Rama Yoreh De'ah 195:16-17) 

The Rama seems clear that the husband has permission to touch his wife when she is ill only if there is no one else available who can provide the same support. It is interesting to note that the source that the Rama brings does not make this statement only when there is no one else to help.  He makes this statement in all situations where the woman is ill. Rabbi Joshua Falk (1555 - 1614, also known as the "Perishah" writes in the name of Rabbi Mordechai ben Hillel Hakohein (1250-1298, also known as "The Mordechai")  (my translation):

...there is a note in the Mordechai in the first chapter of Tractate Shabbat who writes as follows; Rabbi Meir of Rothenburg (1215-1293, also known as the "Maharam of Rothenburg") wrote that those people who are stringent and will not touch their wives when they are ill and in the state of Niddah, this is a custom of foolish piety. This was what I heard from Rabbi Tuviah.  and the Rama writes that we follow this custom if she has no one else to care for her and she needs this help ...(Perishah, Yoreh De'ah 195:8:1)"

It seems that the opinion of Rabbi Tuviah, Rabbi Meir of Rothenburg, and Rabbi Mordechai ben Hillel was that it is allowed to touch one's wife while she is a Niddah if she is ill.  The Rama felt that this was indeed the proper law, but he only saw fit to be lenient when no other options were available, in deference to the opinion of the SA. so this is the basis of assertion number 8.

I stated in the beginning of this thread that clearly every woman and every situation is different.  Some women are more comfortable with a close friend, or a trained doula, or their mother or some other support person there to help her.  For reasons that go well beyond Hilchot Niddah, it should be clearly obvious that it is everyone's responsibility, especially the husband's, to make sure that a woman in labor has the support that will help her get through this difficult time.  If she wants her Mom at her side, or if they have hired a doula (a professional labor coach), or if she has a best friend, then that is how it should be.

That being said, many modern women look to their husbands for support.  Many desire him to be at their side and find that holding his hand or feeling his touch is comforting during labor.  I am not here to make societal comments about why this is.  However, if the husband is providing comfort that helps her in this difficult situation, and it because she has a bond with her husband that cannot be replaced by anyone else, then Halachically speaking that is the equivalent of there being "no one else available" to do so.  This is true even if there are other women available for support, as long as the comfort provided by his touch is due to the special relationship that exists between them as a couple.

There are many studies that support the benefits of supportive touch during labor.  There are very few that directly compare supportive touch from a partner versus a doula or friend.  However, there is some evidence that  partner's touch has better effectiveness if that is what the woman feels comfortable with.  Given the evidence, and using common sense, it would seem that in cases where a woman wants her husband to touch her, that it should be not just allowed, but encouraged.

So far we have discussed items 1,2 and 8.  In the next post, I will discuss items 3,6 and 7, as they all relate to the same issue of what the husband may or may not see or observe in the labor room.