A Husband in the Delivery Room

I really appreciate the feedback that I have been getting regarding subjects of interest that readers of this blog would like me to discuss.  Another topic which people have requested of me is to discuss the laws of the "husband in the delivery room".  IOW, what is the appropriate Halachic behavior of a husband when he is present while his wife is experiencing the experience of the labor and delivery of their child.

This topic fits perfectly into the types of issues I intended on dealing with when I founded this blog 10 years ago.  Once again, in this area, contemporary Halachic guidance seems to lead to conclusions that are contrary to either common sense or what we perceive as morally or ethically the "right" thing to do.  When "Halacha" seems to mandate or prohibit activities that are contrary to what we innately feel regarding right or wrong, a serious reexamination of the issue at hand must be done.  As we have found so far, we may find that it is indeed not the "Halacha" that is the problem, but the modern interpretations of Halacha that are the source of the problem. In every single case, my promise to you is:

1. I will always write a thorough and transparent analysis of how the Halacha came to be interpreted in the way that is
2. What are the ethical and moral dilemmas raised by the way the halacha is being interpreted
3. A modern scientific and historically accurate analysis of how and why the Halacha came to be what it is
4. most importantly, a fully researched and well reasoned Halachically valid argument for why and how the Halachic paradigm can or should be something different than what is being taught in contemporary Chareidi Halachic works

Once again, I ask that you review my first post regarding the "five principles of medical Halachic rationalism". So here goes.

The following is to be found on the Halachic advice website of Yoatzot at this link.  I am fully aware that "Yoatzot" is almost by definition not "really Chareidi" as the entire point of this organization is to allow and encourage female halachic scholars to act as Halachic guides, especially in areas of specific concern for women.  However, if anything, that makes this problem even worse.  If a slightly more "left wing" organization teaches Halacha this way, you need not have much of an imagination to to conjure up what the more right wing Halachic advice books are saying:

Husband in the Delivery Room

Childbirth produces wonderful results, but it is often a painful and frightening process. Both medical and halachic sources attest to the importance of emotional support for the mother during labor and delivery. However, the growing trend for the husband to serve as his wife's labor coach presents certain halachic difficulties. First, a woman in childbirth has the status of a niddah. Therefore, physical contact between the couple is prohibited and the husband may not see his wife undressed. Furthermore, the husband is halachically prohibited from looking directly at his wife's vaginal opening even when she is not a niddah. Due to these concerns, many rabbis forbid the attendance of the husband in the delivery room. There are, however, those who permit it with the following stipulations: 

1) The couple should request that a mirror NOT be used to allow the husband to see the baby emerging.

2) The couple should request that the wife be kept as covered as possible, or that a screen be placed between her upper and lower body. (This is done routinely for cesarean deliveries and thus should not be difficult to arrange).

3) The husband should not touch his wife unless no one else is available to help her. (Yoatzot Website)

I will point out the following Halachic statements and then raise some questions regarding these key points.  We will then have a chance in this new series to take apart these "Halachic" statements and decide if indeed this is the proper advice for "A husband in  the Delivery room".

1. That a woman in childbirth has a status of a Niddah 
2. Since she has a status of Niddah, physical contact between the husband and wife is prohibited
3. The husband may not see his wife undressed because she has the status of a Niddah
4. The husband may not see his wife's vagina even if she weren't a Niddah
5. Many rabbis prohibit him from being there in the first place, but some "permit' it (apparently according to this website no Rabbi would actually encourage it)
6. No use of a mirror is allowed which could God-forbid, allow the husband to see the actual birth of the baby
7. Using a screen to cover her so that the lower half of her body is not visible is advised, and that attempts should be made to cover her body as much as possible
8. The husband should not touch her unless there is no one else to help

Each and every one of these assertions will need to be examined carefully. It will take us some time, and as always, my commitment to you is a full and thorough Halachic analysis.

It is necessary to preface the remainder of this discussion with the following statement.  There is one person in the delivery room whose comfort and and care are the only thing we should be concerned about.  That is the comfort of the woman in labor.  Of course there is also a child being born, and the safety of the child is paramount as well. However, the issue we are discussing now is the comfort of the woman in labor.  For a myriad of different reasons, different women will seek support from different sources.  Some women desire support from their best friend, some from a professional labor coach, some from their mother, and some from their husband.  I am not here to judge who the best labor coach is for every woman.  Those decisions are only to be made by the woman involved.

Therefore, if the woman in labor does not want her husband there at her side, that is her prerogative, and we should respect her choices. In some cultures, the norm is to have other women there for support, and that is totally fine in that context.  However, in modern times, more and more women feel that they get the most meaningful support from the husband they love.  Scientific evidence and common sense both tell us that a women will experience less anxiety and fear when they are accompanied throughout this extremely challenging experience by the person upon who they rely for emotional support. The science even seems to suggest better and healthier outcomes when a woman has proper support during labor.  So if a woman wants her husband at her side for support, what is the Halacha?  Is the above quoted "Halachic" guidance really correct?

That is the question we are about to answer.  I hope you stay with me for this discussion.